I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
