Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
