you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
