If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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