The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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