So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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