It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dignity is for republicans.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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