I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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