i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
