Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I am never drinking with the goths again.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
