I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
