yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
