Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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