I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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