the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
