Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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