in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
