just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
