I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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