Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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