I want to walk on stilts...naked
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
