Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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