ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
