I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
