I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
