I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
