sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Two words: nipple clamps
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