im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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