I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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