i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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