Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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