Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
