Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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