No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
