I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
