Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
