The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he fucked my hip out of place.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
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We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married