I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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