Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
