Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone