After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
