Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
