My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize