the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
