i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
