new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
