I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
