gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
