On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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