How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
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I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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