after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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