The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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