She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
