Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
