I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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