I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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