She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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