so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
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we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
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i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company