no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.