Sponge bath it is.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night