Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.