dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
