Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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