He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
