So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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