I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
