Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
