Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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